Various Reasons for Crying at Work

The first time I cried at work, I was 17 years old. It was a summer job, and nothin' to spit on. With forty hours a week, my own desk, and a 9 dollar salary, I was the richest kid on the block and I never once came home smelling like pizza or deli meat. I thought I was lucky.

By the end of the summer I was applying for a minimum wage job at Wendy's.

On the day in question- that is, the day that I cried- I was asked to do something very illegal. Simple directions were given to me and I barely gave them a thought as I instantly set to work ticking off little square boxes on some paperwork. I guess I just didn't anticipate that an adult would ask me to do something so morally wrong.

The magnitude of what I was doing didn't hit me for a while. I think I had made it through 30 documents before it hit me. "Is this right?" I wondered. It took no time at all for me to conclude that it wasn't. I was committing forgery by altering paperwork that was signed by someone else. 

If I had worked for a dentist or a school district, a lawyer's office or a bank I think I might have been less upset. But I didn't. I worked in an office for a company who provided medical care for seniors. Or should I say, provides- the business still operates today, much to my chagrin.

Ah, but I haven't told you the worst part! Not only was I asked to tick off little boxes to indicate that our clients were being given the care they were promised and deserved when they were not, but I had to tell FIVE staff members about my reservations before one of them came to my rescue. First, naturally, I addressed the woman who gave me the assignment. "Oh, just do it," she said, "No one will care." Mind you, this woman was a nurse.

The second woman I addressed was also a nurse. She said that the aides who cared for the seniors simply forgot to check off those boxes- If I filled out the forms for them, it wouldn't be lying.I guess there were no lawyers in that office. Or saints.

And so on and so on, until I began to cry. At 17 years old, I still had that desire young kids have to please their superiors; I was given the job, and I wanted to do it, but crying and adamantly refusing to continue was better than participating in what was clearly illegal, dishonest, lazy, and insensitive to the fact that the lives of already very fragile people were involved.

As my tear ducts began to erupt the manager noticed me and stepped in to save me.
 ....................

Today, I cried at work.

It was a very different sort of cry this time. I didn't cry because the "grownups" let me down. I didn't cry because I realized the failings of our institutions and systems. I didn't cry because there was no one to speak for those without a voice. I didn't cry because human lives weren't being treated with dignity, care, or respect. And I didn't cry because I realized how easy it is to become the victim of a clerical "error"...

That day, I experienced how backwards human actions can be- how damaging. And the idea that these things all happen on a grander scale- that they hurt not just us but maybe hundreds, thousands, or millions. That's what really makes me cry- the reality that the world is made up of people, that people are flawed, and that we let one another fall left and right.

But there's also hope.

Today I cried because I watched and listened as a chapel full of 17 years olds asked, "Is this right?"  Together, they cried out "NO!" with passion and certainty. I felt alone in that office that day 5 years ago, but I know that I'm not the only one who has experienced a harsh reality like that. I'm not so naive, either, as to believe that I have never been on the other side of that fence as well, but I realized today just how many truly good people are out there. People who will do what they know is right. People who will say something.

Of course, I know that all those kids aren't perfect- one of them might be cheating on a math test right now as we speak. However, what was important to me was that they sought one another. They were committed to finding like-minded individuals who acknowledge the world's problems, humanity's problems, and do their best not to let one another fall.

The bad people in the world are the ones you hear about. They get all the press, all the attention, and (rightly so) all the just anger. It's easy to forget good deeds, and sadly, it's sometimes easy to forget good people.

I regret that I need to constantly reminded myself that there is a great deal of good in the world, but I'm also blessed to be in a place where that is so easy for me to do. At this retreat center there are so many young people with so much energy. So much enthusiasm and joy. I look and them, sometimes, and truly think they're going to take over the world and build a kingdom of love, hugs, and chocolate milk.

The first time I cried at work, I cried because I realized how harsh the world is. This time 'round, I cried because I realized that it's not. Not always.

The 17 year olds weren't literally standing around in a circle, holding hands, singing Kumbayah and screaming, "No!" in the face of injustice, but they didn't have to. Everything about their words and deeds spoke to Christ's love for humanity, and in that spirit I knew that these kids were going to be the ones to step up or step in to protect human holiness. And if they fall, I pray that they'll be there to catch one another and start afresh.

I find so much joy and hope and peace, even, at this retreat center. The place is actually quite boring but for all the beautiful people who come through here with lessons teach me. Not all of them are Christians, but the word of God is written on all their hearts. It's so easy to find Him here. I can't believe anyone wouldn't want to live among these people- to be a member of His Church.

Have a joyful and blessed Advent season.

Waiting In Joyful Hope,
Gina