Lessons the Fed-Ex Guy Taught Me

Hi everyone, I wrote this 2 years ago and hadn't finished it, but I've given it a hasty ending and am posting it now. Enjoy! 
.................................................................

This morning my director asked me to put together a prayer book for the intentions of our donors and guests. I found a binder, enlisted Colleen's help in decorating it, and began printing out some pages for people to list their intentions on. The pages were pretty simple with just two columns- one for the name of the person making the petition, and the other for a brief description of that person's prayer.

  This was the cover of the prayer book.

I was hole-punching the pages when the door bell rang. I crossed the hall to open the door- It was the Fed-Ex delivery guy. He had a package in his hands, and I was expecting the usual "Sign here, please," but he surprised me. Instead, he crossed the threshold with, "Do you have a prayer book?"

I was so taken aback by this unexpected question that my mind just sputtered to a halt. I had no idea what he meant. A prayer book?

He said that his mother was sick and that he wanted the Missionary Sisters to pray for her. At this, my brain suddenly regained the high ground and pieced together what should have been obvious- a book  for prayer intentions! Of course!

"Oh, yes!" I said, looking down into my hands. I had just been holding my new creation a moment ago. Where was it? I crossed back across the hall to the copy room and found the binder lying open there on the desk, the last few hole-punched pages waiting to be inserted. I slipped them into place and walked it straight over to the Fed-Ex guy.

"Here you go," I said. "I JUST made it! You'll be the first to write an intention." He took it from me and began writing. As he wrote his prayer intention I just stood there awkwardly. I wanted to say something to him. Something about how I would pray for his mother too, or how I hoped that she would find peace in the Lord... but nothing was forthcoming. Nothing seemed appropriate. So I stayed silent, racking my brains for something to say that might be comforting. I grew more and more anxious as I realized that my time was running out.

He finished writing, thanked me, and gave the binder back.  Before I could do anything more he turned and left.

I was a little overwhelmed by my feelings. A part of me was so in awe that almost the moment I had finished making the prayer book, someone appeared requesting it. Another part of me was suffering, though. I looked at the prayer request. It simply read, "Please pray for my mother, who has had a stroke and is in the hospital." I felt so terrible. All I wanted to do was offer that man some comfort or support and I didn't. Some kind word or action but I said and did nothing. I froze and stood there, watching him through the window as he jumped back into his truck and drove off.

The more time that passed the more I became disappointed in myself. I felt that I had missed an opportunity. I felt that this man was sent to me for a reason and that I failed to act in the necessary moment. I didn't comfort him or bring him any peace. What a miserable vessel for Christ's love I was.

After analyzing my reaction for a time, I realized that I was being a little ridiculous. My savior complex was shining in all of its scary glory, and I was making myself uneasy for absolutely no reason.

God certainly invites us to touch the lives of others, especially strangers. Every day we are given an opportunity to be kind, gentle, compassionate, forgiving, and sensitive to those we encounter. 
But he didn't ask me to.

What he did ask me for was a prayer book. And I could give him that.

In retrospect, I realize that what occurred was a small miracle. It was no coincidence that on this day I would be assembling the first ever Mother Cabrini Prayer Book for the retreat center. It was no coincidence that on this day, that book was all the Fed-Ex guy was looking for. He asked. And God answered his prayer.

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened (Mt 7:7-8).

Sometimes I forget that, though I want to heal every wound, there are many wounds that are not for me to heal. There are many problems I cannot fix. Many words that I do not have. However, it's ok that I can't give the world to others. That work is for God.

What I can give is what I do have. And love I have in abundance.

I pray that in those moments when words and actions fail me, I can at least be a loving presence to those I meet, and I pray that God will grant me the humility I am lacking to accept that I am not a savior but a servant. And that it is not I who should call myself to servitude, but Him. 

Love,
Gina