This is another entry that I wrote a long time ago and never posted. Better late than never, right?
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Now that my year with Cabrini Mission Corps is over, I have had a month to settle into a new routine. Three days a week I'm going down to Immigrant Services in Chinatown to volunteer, but the rest of my time is divided between applying for jobs and teaching myself Spanish. And when I say teaching myself Spanish, BOY do I mean it. This is what my average day looks like:
Wake up.
Eat breakfast while watching an episode of a Spanish telenovela.
Complete 1 unit of Rosetta Stone.
Read a few chapters from my "Easy Spanish Reader" that I got from the library.
Eat lunch while watching another episode of a Spanish telenovela.
Complete another unit of Rosetta Stone.
Read a section of Barron's "Complete Spanish Grammar Review" (also courtesy of the library).
Nap.
Dinner... you guessed it! .. while watching a THIRD episode of a Spanish telenovela. Sometimes a fourth, depending on how intense the cliffhanger was.
Overall, I have actually learned quite a bit of Spanish this month and I have witnessed an AWFUL lot of television drama.
And here's where God come in...
I have never had a productive summer in my life. My family will testify to this. In fact, the number one and two question that my dad and brother ask me during the summer months have always been, "What time did you get out of bed?" and "Have you left the house today?"
But I have never wanted anything so bad as to learn Spanish in my whole life. For one thing, every single job that I want in New York City that relates to direct social services has listed "Bi-lingual English/Spanish" as a requirement. For another, it's true that a vast number, if not the majority, of the clients I'll end up serving will be Spanish speakers, and I will be frustrated if I'm unable to help them if it's due to a simple language barrier. Ha ha... "simple."
But most importantly, I have developed over the course of a few years now a real devotion to Our Lady of Guadalupe and Latin American culture. Strangely enough, though, I have never BEEN to Latin America and I have never been to Mexico. But since writing this, I've been to Guatemala! :)
Now normally I feel that my burning desire to learn Spanish would have fizzled out by now, 'cause.. I'm usually pretty lazy like that.. but this summer, with THIS project, I feel like God is helping me to keep my focus by keeping me excited about how much I'm learning and how much I've yet to learn. For example...
When was the last time you SAW a marble? Yes, the round stone you play games with. A marble? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen one since the fourth grade, but while I was studying a unit of Rosetta Stone the other day, the Spanish word for marble, "canica" was introduced. The unit was trying to get you to understand the difference between "una canica," "unas canicas," and "muchas canicas"- or "a, some, and many marbles." This, I thought, was a rather useless noun to add to my vocabulary, but ok. I'll roll with ya, Rosetta Stone....
That afternoon, I was in my dad's room trying to fix his computer for him when I found a MARBLE on the carpet! I picked it up and stared at it for a few minutes, trying to wrap my mind around where it might have come from. Where the heck did a marble come from? How in the hell did I encounter it on the same day that I learned the word for marble from my Rosetta Stone? I showed it to my dad-
"What is this?!"
"A marble.""Where did it come from?"
"I don't know."
"When was the last time you've even seen a marble?"
"I can't remember."
"Does it belong to Hemwattie?" (Dad's girlfriend)
"I don't know."
...
The marble mystery remains unsolved, but more just like it keep happening every day, and I think it's God's way of keeping me excited about how much I'm learning. I think he's trying to tell me that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.
The plot thickens-
In addition to Rosetta Stone, my telenovelas, and my books, I also have a half dozen Spanish apps on my I-Pad. My favorite one is called, "Say Hi." With this app, you press a button and speak into the microphone in English or Spanish. Then the app translates what you've said into the opposite language, writes it on the screen for you, and actually says it out loud. So when I'm trying to apply everything I've learned and see if I've used the Spanish grammar rules correctly, I'll go to my "Say Hi" app, say something into it in Spanish, and pray that it spits back a perfect English sentence to me. Most of the time I'm off in one way or another. I often have difficulty with reflexive verbs, for example, or with figuring out where pronouns belong. And I'm sure this is not the most sophisticated or accurate app, either. I mean, it was a free app after all.
Anyway, today was a very long, but good day. I Skyped with Kim, a fellow missioner, talked to an old professor, was asked to be GODMOTHER to a friend's baby, applied for a position with the New York Immigration Coalition, and spent the evening hours researching an intensive Spanish school in Guatemala that was recommended to me. I looked up plane tickets to Guatemala City- only 450 dollars roundtrip- and then spent the night making constant jokes at my dad about him paying for me to go to Spanish school. "Hey dad, do you think you could fit that on my plane to Guatemala?" "Oh, but that would cost so much less in Guatemala!" "Well, while I'm in Guatemala I won't have time for any of that!"
About an hour ago I realized that I was exhausted, but that I wasn't ready for bed yet. So I sat quietly in my chair to have "un momento con el Señor," a moment with God.
I've been SO BUSY. Excited and happy, but busy, and God has been so present in every moment of my journey that I just wanted to find a moment to thank Him for being with me in all this. It's painful to know that you can't be where you want to be, or have the job you want to have because you don't know a language. My SPIRIT is so willing and I want to learn SO bad, and I realize that it's going to take quite a bit of time, but God has been constantly reminding me that it is possible and that I will succeed, eventually. And he keeps reminding me that the people I am doing this for are absolutely worth it. They are where his heart is. And mine.
So for this particular prayer I decided I was going to try to say it in Spanish. It was pretty ugly, but I strung a few sentences together that I wouldn't have been able to make a week ago, and I felt this warm feeling like God was pleased with me for trying. I felt like He and I were one step closer to Mexico. I rested a moment, in silence with him, and imagined giving him a big hug. As I often do, I wondered if the historical Christ looked at all like I imagine him. I looked up at the wall above my chair, where an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and Jesus hang side by side. I looked at her, and I looked at him and I thought, "I can't wait to see you." Then I wondered if I'd be able to say that in Spanish, if I tried, and after much thought I came up with "No puedo esperar a verte."
Wondering if that was actually how to say it, I picked up my I-Pad, opened up the, "Say Hi," app, and said into it, "No puedo esperar a verte." After a moment my I-Pad replied in a choppy, automated voice, "I can not wait to see you." It was the first thing I had ever said into it that I had gotten completely right.
But I was struck by something that I didn't even realize was happening. What started out as a prayer... that I allowed to deviate to a test of my language ability... turned back into a conversation with God. The most beautiful conversation I could imagine, because He told me exactly what I wanted to hear. He can't wait to see me? He said it out loud.
And as all things this year have ended... I started to cry.
I don't know what God would say if I asked him, "What do you mean by that?" But when I heard those words I thought I knew in my heart exactly what it meant. I looked up at Christ on the wall and Our Lady of Guadalupe and I knew that He was telling me that He couldn't wait for me to get there. Couldn't wait for me to see him. Couldn't wait for me to succeed. To get to Mexico and be with the people he's calling me to serve. To be with Him there. In love and in mission.
It was such a moment of Grace, as I feel my whole month has been. He is so present to me right now and I'm so grateful to feel so loved and supported by Him. I know he'll continue helping me find my way to Mexico and Our Lady. I know he'll keep me optimistic and excited. I know he'll help me see this through and learn this language that will help me serve my brothers and sisters.
I am so grateful.
Gracias Señor.
Con Amor,
Gina
Note: Sorry this blog dropped off the map. I am hoping to post some things that I wrote during the last few years that I never got around to publishing. ... but I'm not going to set a time frame... because... that would just be a mistake. And mt GOODNESS how crazy it is for me to have just re-read what I wrote little over a year ago. I am very blessed to have made it so much farther in my Spanish learning... I am very blessed to have made it to Central America... now, I just can't wait for Mexico. :)
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